I began hearing about my weight as soon as I was born. Although I was an underweight baby, my grandmother decided I was too round. I quickly caught on and by age 6 (now that I look at pics, I was normal) I began dieting.
By age 7, hereditary baby fat kicked in; my mom had been a fat child and grew to be a tall skinny woman which is what was in store for me. I couldn't take it; I began getting breasts at age 8, began getting hips, was teased at school and by my dads side of the family. I was a pillow, a godzilla, fat fat fat. And yes, I WAS fat, naturally.
I wanted to be a boy badly; being fat and developed (got my period at age9) just didn't bode well with my little boys clothes and chopped off hair. I only played with boys, and even they teased me; I wanted to be one of them and I wanted to be WITH one of them, and I could have neither. I only ate at night, in privacy.
By age 11 I had stunted my growth. I will never be the predicted 6-foot-tall skinny woman, all because of my dieting. I've been 5'5" since.
By age 14 I was a full-on bulimic. My mother got very sick in the lungs when I was 12 and she lost a lot of weight. You can't look at a 5'8" mother who is 80 pounds and on an oxygen machine and tell yourself in denial"oh, she's getting better, she'll be okay" then look in the mirror at yourself 5'5" and 130 pounds and say you're not fat. She was my best friend, she knew I had an eating problem, and she never once called me fat.
Mother died when I was 16. I dropped down to 104, now with anorexia instead of bulimia. I "recovered." I relapsed. Here I am
